Monday, August 20, 2007
Web as Weaving
There is no doubt that apart from Gellibrand being a beautiful nature region it is also the home of many many spiders. They weave their webs anywhere and everywhere.
When I set out on the road to creating and making a living from my creations I imagined myself having a studio- but instead I find myself in ever smaller spaces in which to create work- and in one word it is making me very depressed along with the many other things that have happened to family in the last 12 months. We have dealt with a governmental system that sees parents have no rights not even in the mental health care of a child whom the parents believe has problems- I have seen my middle daughter once in 10 months because she refuses to come home- not once has she given a reason apart from a blanket statement which is not borne out by the evidence and which everyone apart from her agrees is not borne out by the evidence, even the government department we are dealing with.It makes me incredibly sad and yes I am grieving. The thing that is hard to deal with everyone says it is for the best ( and I have to say many people ignore it completely- not one word of sympathy or care or even asking how the other children are faring)- and in some ways maybe that is true but another part of me keeps asking how did it go so wrong- and what do I do with this love that I have? I know it stays but sometimes it seems to be too much too bear.
So to ever decreasing space. My husband has all but taken over my shed ( true some of my things are still in there)it was going to be my wonderful studio- a space to work and teach- and now I am in a small space at the back of the house with lousy natural light, and nowhere near enough space to envision anything. I gave up my other workspace to my eldest daughter who really needed her own space- it was high time. But how can I work in this space???
Bring on the warm weather and sunshine- at least there is no shortage of outdoor space here- but it keeps on raining and it is cold ( August is usually the coldest month) so no hope of doing any work outside. What webs we weave in our lives. I had not imagined myself in this place, in this space,in this state of mind.