This last week has gone by in both a blue zone and one of hope. Something very momentous has happened in my life, since just before Christmas, it gives me joy beyond reason and at the same time fills my heart with fear, not because it is scarey, but fear that it may not work out. In the week since my birthday I have discovered that words are tricky masters- that there are no words for the emotional territory in which I find myself, or indeed, in which all of us affected by it find ourselves and yet there is hope like I had never dared hope.I always thought the English language had so many words, but it doesn't. There are no words to describe how I actually feel and I suspect this may also be true for everyone involved. And the words that do exist are inadequate to relay what is happening, and that is also an inadequate word, because it is a new emotional territory.And yet discussion ( another hard sounding word that doesn't actually convey what i want to say) needs to happen.
My daughter that I adopted out in July of 1974 ( she was born in May 1974, though I never saw her or held her) has found me.My other daughters knew about her as do my close friends. I hope we can find a path to meet ,to be able to be a part of each others life in some way, whilst respecting the fact that she has parents and her own family, and dealing with the issues that adoption raises.I know she was brave to contact me because all of this is far from easy, actually it is gut wrenchingly emotional, and there are no road maps of how to travel this territory. But most amazingly she has also spent part of her life being a solicitor and is now a quilter.
Any words of wisdom or experience would be very much appreciated.
So last week some indigo dyed Khadi fabrics arrived from the Stitching Project. These fabrics are gorgeous- they are shiboried ( is there such a word- I think I need to add to my vocabulary), and some of them did not quite work out, imperfect you might say. But such is the nature of khadi the fabrics are beautiful in any case. The fabric is created from hand spun cotton and is then hand woven, because of this when the fabric is exposed to dye, especially when resist is involved, such as shibori techniques, the dye wicks along the threads almost ikat like- it creates a kind of I don't know- can't find the word- shadow springs to mind but it's not the right word, echo also might be a word but again it's not quite right. In any case, I eyed the "imperfections" for awhile and decided that they were some how consistent with my life- imperfect and then a friend asked what had I been doing? Well nothing really, walking the dog, some workshops, but nothing out of my hands, so she said "I challenge you to start something" ( you know who you are ;-) ), so I did. I picked up that imperfect piece of cloth and just started stitching- and it started to grow and now I can see there is going to be a lot of story in this , a lot of tears and I hope joy too- another travellers' blanket to map and I think I have found a way to convey what I am feeling that words can't.
And then the weather has been sunny, thank goodness- those blue skies fill the soul. So I have to leave you with yet another photo of the Pic-I see it every day , I walk towards it and then away and each day it is different.
And then there is the still bare branches of some trees with those beautiful blue skies...it's a wonder.
And then there are the almond blossoms- just about to die off and set fruit, but how heavenly do they look, is it not any wonder that Van Gogh thrilled at them?
7 comments:
Wijze woorden bestaan ook in het nederlands, maar ik vind er voor de moment geen. Hopelijk lost alles zich op in de toekomsr maar weet dat het moeilijk is. Altijs welkom
Ja Ann ik weet dat het moeilijk zal zijn en ik dank je voor je woorden, en ik weet dat ik altijd welkom zal zijn. Trouwens jullie ook terwijl ik hier ben. Ben blij dat de laaste operatie goed gelukt is, en dat je weer thuis ben en aan het herstellen. Hugs!
Dianne, I have never met you but have taken some of your online classes.
I like the saying:"Do one thing a day that scares you"
Might go well, might go badly, but no regrets either way.
Life is so short, so precarious.
Good luck with your decision.
That stitching looks lovely. I am slowly stitching your poppies, I think I bought them when I met you in Adelaide, as I stitch I think of you, your classes, your lovely book. We adopted a son in 1961, he has never wanted to find his mother, but I have worried for her.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing so much, it is inspiring. I look forward to seeing g both the tif quilt and the travellers blanket. Xx hugs mate
I have been delayed reading this post, Dijanne, as I've been away doing some large emotional things myself. They've been large in my mind for most of my life. However, all has gone well & I feel so much better in my soul for having faced these challenges. Your story has really touched me. Yours is not my experience but I have followed your blog for what seems like a 'long' while & your writings show you to be a complex, creative & strong woman with great heart. I'm also conscious you have overcome had many challenges in your life so far. There is a saying "feel the fear and do it anyway". I think this is good advice but I have found it difficult to follow until now (aged 61). These past few weeks have shown me that, more often than not, jumping into fearful territory can make for much fuller & happier adventures to come, and, reveal love in unexpected places. I hope you & your daughter both are rewarded for such a long period of silence. Oh . . . . forgot to tell you how much I love your work & am anticipating the progress on this travel blanket. Sincerely in stitches.
Very thoughtfull blog
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