I finished the Traveller's Medallion but must admit to suffering a bit of a crisis of confidence whilst making it and I still have not resolved what I think. The thought struck me, as I was stitching last night; that this is nothing but a flaming potholder- what am I doing here??Yes I enjoyed the stitching and dit did start to speak to me more as I stitched- giving some sense of the traveller who might have worn this medallion. The medallion is for sale- it measures approximately 10 inches square si entirely hand stitched and is made form my own hand dyed and printed fabrics. The price is $130 US inclusive of postage.
I think my crisis was exacerbated by another crisis of confidence in my personal life. Last week we had a "care" meeting regarding my middle daughter, who after our travels in Europe decided when we returned home, that she did not want to live at home- she disappeared two weekends running after we were back without telling me where, although we have a fair inkling where she was. The meeting got a bit contested because my intuition says there is something more at play than sheer wilful teenage behaviour and I actually voiced it out loud after my daughter alleged that my sanity should be examined and after it was suggested that my daughter should self determine whether the counselling she had been having should continue without reference to the gp who is prescribing anti-depressant medication (because the counselling agency involved cuts out when the child turns 16). Things progressed downhill from there and I walked out of the meeting because I was suffering such a severe anxiety attack that at one stage I thought it was something else. I walked out saying I had three children and I loved each of them. But I am tired of two years of hell that there is still this rankling in the air. I have tried , and it is wearing me down, and I have to let go. It is a strange kind of grief to let go of a living child who for whatever reason refuses to be a part of the family that I had hoped to raise- who refuses her siblings . The bureaucracy says I "favour" the other two children but in all reality all I am trying to do is keep a bit of an even keel and right now they need their mother back .
All of this takes up so much space that I am finding it very diffcult to work at all- though I have to put one slow foot forward and start.